the condom got lost in my hair
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
don't judge my taste in strippers
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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