Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
