I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
