That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
