Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
