My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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