Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
