If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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