I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
