Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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