the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
