so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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