As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
