I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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