Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
