Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
