After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
