One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
