My cat gives me a boner
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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