Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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