I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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