Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
