The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
