That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
