The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So much Jack, so little girl.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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