when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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