Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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