Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
