does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
