I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
