he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
