Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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