So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
