Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
