it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
