Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have aggressive nipples.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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