hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
