Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
