So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
