i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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