false alarm. still invincible.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
