I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
