just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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