she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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