Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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