I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
