A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
