and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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