I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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