What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
