Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
