Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
