Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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