I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
