If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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