fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
