You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
