Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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